*Of course, hopetripping is probably not a term you've heard before--as far as we know, we made it up.
But when we decided to take this project on, we searched for a phrase that captured the complex experience of trying to heal from chronic illness, and this was it. In most weeks living with illness, at least at some point, we find ourselves tripping on hope. Sometimes up, sometimes down, sometimes in a puddle of tears, wondering if we were wrong to hope for better, and sometimes riding high on our wins and hopes for recovery. This is a podcast to talk about the realities of trying to recover from invisible, chronic illness in all of its layers, in all of its stages, nothing polished or prettied, from two women who are still taking it day-by-day, trying to figure out what is possible for healing, measuring success sometimes in inches, and learning along the way how to keep hope by our side.
So, who is this website for?
This site is for anyone who finds themselves, like us, sometimes tripping on hope. Those with a complex, chronic illness like ME/CFS, fibromyalgia, autoimmune disease, long-covid, or any set of invisible symptoms that have left you feeling disempowered, invisible, and voiceless. It's for anyone looking for community. Anyone looking to cast a wide net into the vast ocean of healing to see what we can find to sustain us, together.
It's for anyone who hopes, anyone who struggles to hope, anyone still trying to convince themselves there's anything like hope left. It's for those who may have grown weary of internet promises of rapid recovery, those who don't even know where to start looking for recovery, and for those who are wondering what healing even means. It's for those of us tired of looking outside of ourselves or putting our recovery only in the hands of others. It's for those of us sometimes wondering if we even have enough energy or strength to take on the responsibility of our own healing, especially with so many others in our lives to take care of first.
It's for those of us who have lost greatly--our energy, our passions, our peace of mind, our jobs, our sense of security in the world. It's for those of us who have, at times, even felt lost to ourselves. It's for those of us who still believe, if just a little, that even in the face of our challenges, and even if sometimes it's just so overwhelming, life can get better. Maybe even so much better.
For what it's worth, we're living it.
"I used to think of [hope] as a cotton candy cloud kind of word...[and now] I've been thinking about how gritty and fleshy and dogged and hard-fought it is."
--Bonnie Chen MD, reflecting on hope
A Note on Clouds:
This screen may show a sky full of clouds, but we know (like you know) that hope isn't a "cotton candy cloud kind of word"--as a dear friend, Dr. Bonnie Chen, recently shared of how she used to think about hope. After her journey into life's unbearable, hope has since become something "gritty and fleshy and dogged and hard-fought." So the clouds on this site aren't for fantasy or for the illusion that any of what we're facing is just a breezy day in the sun (although there can be breezy days or moments in the sun, sometimes, even in great hardship). These are the clouds I saw the days I could first stand up to shower without the struggle of weakness or shortness of breath, looking up through the skylight like I had just summited a mountain peak and was taking in the view. They are the clouds Summer and I have watched roll gently by for weeks and months and years, clouds that promised a freedom we didn't have a way to touch for a very long time. And they represent now, at least to us, the freedom we're working toward each day, freedom both inside ourselves and freedom within our bodies. The same freedom we wish for every one of you.
-- Sarah
IMPORTANT: There are a lot of experts out there on a lot of topics. Even though we are each experts in certain areas, we don't claim to be experts on healing. We're in the puzzle of this life with all of you. And all we hope to do is to share what has been true for us, hoping that some part of it casts a bit of light on what is true for you--or what could be if you want to try it on to see how it fits.
DISCLAIMER: For all of our wishes for your health and recovery, none of this content is meant in any way to replace your individual physicians' or health care providers' guidance for your medical or mental health care, nor is it meant to provide medical or psychiatric advice of any kind. Even though Sarah is a doctor, she is not your doctor, and no part of your interaction with this site, its programs or its resources constitutes a patient-physician relationship. If you feel you are in a medical or mental health emergency, please call 911 and seek evaluation right away.